I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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