i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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