Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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