We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
