You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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