One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
