Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
