I wannas sexs uuuuu
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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