ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
