my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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