Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
