This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize