I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
