You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
