Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
