no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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