4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.