what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.