in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.