She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.