Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?