Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
did you just send me my own nude
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would fuck him just for his dog
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??