That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"