It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I want a musical about memes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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