I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
