Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
