I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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