He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
