he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
