She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
