If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
