I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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