I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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