I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
