i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
