she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
