Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
