I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
