when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
