i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
