My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
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There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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