So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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