VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
