he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
