cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
