im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
