we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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