Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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