I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
