Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
