Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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