I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
