You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
