I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
