apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
