I think i peed on brittanys purse
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
