Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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