My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sarcasm needs its own font
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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