so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
