Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
