You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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