Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is my gift to your gina
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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