Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
