You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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